Unlock after the second wave is here. But it is obvious that kids are not going back to school any time soon. Following the government’s announcement to cancel Class 12 CBSE exams, many state governments have followed suite. Those who have not yet cancelled will do so soon. And then too the normal will be a “new normal.”  

The PM is to address the nation in another 30 minutes, but I don’t have very high hopes of hearing anything new or groundbreaking. It is a given that schools will be the last place to open. AIIMS Delhi and AIIMS Patna have only just started testing vaccines for kids aged 2 to 17. Given the vulnerability of children, I am comfortable with this. But it also means that I have to continue working with kids at home for still more time. And I can’t say I am too thrilled about it.

Because fatigue has set in for me and even the kids are crankier than earlier when it comes to studies.

I know that like me many of you had been hoping the kids will go back to school at least after the summer vacations. Well, that’s not to be. And with the third wave predicted to be more dangerous for kids (I wonder how the virus is getting inputs on its next mutation. May be we could communicate to it that it has wreaked enough havoc and disruption, and it wouldn’t be a failure stop), I am fine with them staying home.

But that still leaves the question of how to ensure you get your work done while supervising the kids and taking care of them. This post is aimed to help those of you who are working from home and caring for kids at the same time. And let me assure you, it works.

The first day of the new routine at home, my teenaged daughter thanked me for putting it in place. She had been able to complete her school work, painted for 45 minutes and still got time to read and watch TV. I must say I was surprised, because I had been assuming she was doing fine, it was my younger one who needed help.

How kids jeopardize your work/life

I am a freelance writer and work from home. This means that I already have many systems in place to ensure that housework does not encroach into my working time. But I must confess that the lockdown initially had even me, a seasoned work-from-home person, struggling to balance client deadlines and personal responsibilities. And my own writing for my work in progress novel went for a toss. I realised I had to do something about it when one fine day I could write just 50 words in a span of 1 hour because my younger daughter kept interrupting me for help with her school work.

I realised I needed to schedule her day before I could manage to put my own day in some semblance of order. This article tries to put together everything I did to reclaim my life back. And it can help you do so as well.

Step 1: Observe a typical day like a fly on the wall

I did a course on Life of Happiness from Coursera in April 2020, soon after first lockdown was announced. It talked of an interesting mindfulness concept of behaving like a fly on the wall, where you observe your thoughts like a fly sitting on the wall would.

It concept that can easily be applied here. Before you get down to tackling the problem of scheduling your kids’ day, you need to observe at least one full day dispassionately, the way it is happening. This will help you understand what is working for you and what is not. Remember that here you includes both you and your kids. 

The idea behind being the fly on the wall is that you should not be selfish. You should look at things from your kid’s perspective as well. It is the neutral perspective that will make all the difference and point out the areas you need to correct.

Step 2: Make a list of essential to-do list for kids

If you make the kids your priority you will never go wrong. So, start with them. Make a list of essential things that must be done by them through the day. Essential activities need not only mean academic work or learning. It must include everything that a child would have done if not for this lockdown.

The children are already under immense mental pressure due to the drastic change in their routines so let us not aggravate that by imposing what we think is essential for them. The best idea would be to ask them what all they want to include in their day. This could include things like academic work, play, creative activities, exercise, naps, etc.

Step 3: Make your own essential to-do list – and don’t forget slack coffee time

Now it’s your turn. Make a list of things you need to get done every day. Be compassionate to yourself and include things like slack coffee time with your colleagues or face time with family members or whatever is your equivalent of remaining social. Do not get down to micro planning and listing out each task to be completed. Stick to a first level outline where you have things like office work, teaching kids, cooking, cleaning, relaxing, family time, etc. The detailing can come in later, when you have to plan your own day. Here we will stick to getting to a level where you have enough time at hand to plan.

Step 4: Schedule the kids’ day

Now comes the most important part of taking each item from the lists you have prepared and scheduling them into the day. Pencilling in the timelines makes it easier to complete as compared to having just a to do list stuck to the kitchen top. Here are some things to take care of when creating that schedule.

Do you have a partner? Share and coordinate

Do you have a partner? If yes, share and co-ordinate responsibilities with them. Fix up at a time when they should be responsible for supervising the kids and when you would be. Divide the time kids need to be supervised between the two of you. Try to keep the same times every day because kids get used to having one parent around for one task and prefer it to being unsure of who will turn up to be with them. Kids like routines and it is great for their development. Even the grown-up ones, who would like you to believe otherwise.

Free time is essential

Some free time, where you allow the kids to do whatever they want, even if it’s just nothing, must be included. Some amount of preparation can be taken into consideration but when your child proposes something, give it an unbiased consideration. It is best not to pencil in something for the free time while drawing up the schedule. Let the child come up with something spontaneously at the moment. Besides encouraging the child to think on the feet, it will bring an element of surprise and excitement in their daily routine for that much-needed respite from the monotonicity of the four walls and the same set of people around.

Family time must be there

All of you are operating unnatural, or at least not used to, circumstances, including the kids. Even when you are trying to schedule yourselves to keep out of each other’s way so that all of you can get the essential tasks completed, it is necessary to spend some quality family time together. A time when both the parents are available. You can use this time to rejuvenate yourself and the time spent together as family will go a long way in strengthening the bond.

I cannot remember when I had spent so much time together with my family last. Maybe a vacation that lasted a weekend or a week. Even during the vacations, kids are already enrolled in classes so that parents can carry on with their office work. Of course, stay at home or work from home mommies fare better as they get to spend more time. This is the opportunity to do something about the guilt that plagues all conscientious parents — not spending enough time with their kids.

Have a list of activities ready for kids

Whenever you make a plan, you must be prepared with a plan B to take over if plan A does not succeed. In case of scheduling the kids, this could mean having a list of activities ready that you can fall back upon in case something goes wrong.

Like, your partner has been assigned some urgent work and they have to put in extra hours. You already have your hands full so who will supervise the kids? Or, the kiddo does not feel like doing what they were supposed to do as per the schedule. If this is the case it is advisable not to give in to the kids’ demand immediately, else they will take it to be the norm and all your effort at scheduling would go waste.

So, as I was saying, you must have a list of things that the kid can do unsupervised. It could be as simple as colouring a picture or playing Lego construction or re-reading a favourite book. In extreme cases you could also allow some extra screen time. You would feel less guilty about it if you are already limiting their screen time.

Limit screen time

Just because these are unprecedented times, it does not follow we should give in to kids’ demands without thought. Many times, getting the kids busy with a game or the Idiot Box or online hobby classes seems the easy way out. Because you have a deadline to meet. Or simply because you are too tired to counter their arguments.

Here is what I do. They know whenever they request an unscheduled screen time, mama will automatically say no. I don’t mind being labelled the bad mama for this. In fact, my elder one says I have come to revel this title!! Anyways, I digress. So, my kids know that when they ask for extra screen time, they would need to convince me. Plus, they must stick to the time allotted, else the next scheduled screen time would be curtailed. And, after they are done, they must occupy themselves without expecting me to be with them/do something for them.

Many times, children ask for screen time because it seems the easiest option. Once you start a positive discussion around it, they weigh the pros and cons themselves and often end up doing something else.

If it’s possible to spend time outdoors, include that every day

I know I am lucky to have a garden where weather permitting, the kids can play or just idle away on the swing. Even we sometimes join them for a game of badminton or hopscotch!! If you do not have a garden, a terrace, porch or a balcony would suffice. Or simply throwing open the window to let the sunshine or clean air come in. Getting some morning sun and clean air does wonders to everyone’s moods, and they would be more amenable to following a routine.

Include some meditation routine

Children are restless by nature. You can’t expect them to sit quietly and do their chores without making their presence felt. It feels so abnormal as well. My younger one can’t sit still for 5 minutes at a stretch. She is so excited by everything she sees or reads or listens to. I am sure she will come out of it in a couple of years, like her elder sister did.

But restlessness gets amplified when the child is confined to a fixed place or restricted in their activities. Lockdown is a ripe situation that can complicate restlessness to difficult proportions. So, it’s essential to include some meditation time.

They don’t need to sit quietly and meditate on their breathing. Just ask them to sit or lie down and close their eyes. Then play some meditation music, or any soothing music they like. Do this for 10 minutes twice a day, to keep them calm and in control of their own behaviour. I have seen this work for kids all ages.

Step 5: Nothing is lost if you miss a schedule

The objective of having a schedule is to make your life easier. Not letting your hair go grey because you could not stick to the schedule. So, if you miss any of the items, do not berate yourself. Or for that matter scold the child. Again, it is important to remember that all of you are operating under unnatural circumstances and allowances must be made. Specially for the child who is having to face the most unnatural of circumstances.

We adults are used to working within the four walls, whether it is at office or at home. Children are used to spending lots of their time having fun or doing fun activities with their friends. So, it is very the new normal of staying indoors is very stressful for them and more often than not they are not even able to express themselves.

In conclusion

Before setting up a schedule, talk to your child why you are doing this. Be honest and tell them that parents need to continue working and they need to keep in touch with whatever they were doing at school. Just so they are prepared when normalcy resumes. And let them know that if they feel uncomfortable with something, it could always be changed. This will encourage them to be more open about the whole thing.

So, what are you waiting for? Go ahead and schedule your kids’ day before you plan for yourself. And share with us how it went.

If you are already scheduling your kids’ days partially or fully, please tell us how you do, so that we may also benefit from your experience.